An Indian American daughter reveals how the dangerous model minority myth fractured her family in this “searingly honest memoir that manages to be at once a scalding indictment and a heartfelt love letter” (Scott Stossel, author of My Age of Anxiety).

Product Code: 9208
ISBN: 9780593442982
Format: Hardback
Publisher: Crown
Pages: 288
Published Date: 08/22/2023
Availability:In stock
Price: $28.00

How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative? These questions propel Prachi Gupta’s heartfelt memoir and can feel particularly fraught for immigrants and their children who live under immense pressure to belong in America.

Prachi Gupta’s family embodied the American Dream: a doctor father and a nurturing mother who raised two high-achieving children with one foot in the Indian American community, the other in Pennsylvania’s white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: that Asian Americans have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, ambitious families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this perfect image often comes at a steep but hidden cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas invisible to the outside world.

Gupta addresses her mother throughout the book, weaving a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health, to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself emotionally and physically from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But, tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.

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Chapter 1. Dawn
Chapter 2. Color-Blocked
Chapter 3. Mismatched Expectations
Chapter 4. Origins Obscured
Chapter 5. Me, Me Who Me
Chapter 6. Suburban Camouflage
Chapter 7. Rise, Spirit
Chapter 8. Good Girls Don’t Have Bodies
Chapter 9. Dark Space
Chapter 10. Shrink and Expand
Chapter 11. Good Judgment
Chapter 12. Homecoming
Chapter 13. Discovering Aliens
Chapter 14. Jekyll and Hyde
Chapter 15. Numb
Chapter 16. New Beginnings
Chapter 17. One-Way Street
Chapter 18. Broken Hearts
Chapter 19. Terminator of the Male Ego
Chapter 20. Parts Unearthed
Chapter 21. Remembering
Chapter 22. Home Is a Ghost
Chapter 23. Wanting It All
Chapter 24. Destroying Illusions
Chapter 25. Welcome You to the Prachi-Prach
Chapter 26. Five Foot Ten
Chapter 27. The Truth
Chapter 28. When the Earth Splits Open


They Called Us Exceptional is a marvel: a searingly honest memoir that manages to be at once a scalding indictment, and a heartfelt love letter. In its descriptions of the struggle to live authentically across two cultures, Gupta's book evokes W.E.B DuBois and Maxine Hong Kingston; in its exploration of how family psychopathology and cultural history entwine themselves across generations.”—Scott Stossel, national editor of The Atlantic and author of My Age of Anxiety

“I read it in one sitting. Wow. It aims right at the tender spot where racism, sexism, and family dynamics collide, and somehow manages to be both searingly honest and deeply compassionate.”—Celeste Ng, author of Little Fires Everywhere

“It’s not very often that the word ‘necessary’ in a book review feels, well, necessary. And yet, more than perhaps any other book to come across my desk this year, I want to shout from the mountaintops and the depths of the sea—upward, downward, and everywhere in between—that you must read this book. Gupta has penned one of the most gripping blends of memoir and reporting, writing a book whose page-turning is compelled as much by masterful macro-level storytelling as by memoir.”—Jina Moore Ngarambe for Guernica

“What happens when a person discovers that the American Dream is a virus? Gupta’s stunning and devastating debut contorts genre—existing as a disquisition on Asian American assimilation into the West, a bird’s-eye view of how patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy congealed to destroy a family, and a coming-of-age tale about a woman who had to fight to make space for her voice.”—Damon Young, author of What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker

“A memoir so honest and intimate, I felt I ought to look away. Gupta blasts through the imprisoning phrase Log kya kahenge—‘What will people say?’—and brings us into her life and her home with awe-inspiring courage, nuance, and intelligence.”—Diksha Basu, author of The Windfall

“Gupta has penned a gripping memoir that considers immigrant aspirations and tribulations alongside the heavy generational trauma of an immigrant parent leaving behind the known and the loved. With grace and dexterity, Gupta bravely interrogates not only the obvious but also the seething emotional territory that lies just beneath . . . A remarkable book that is both lyrical and brave.”—Rafia Zakaria, author of Against White Feminism

“Self-directed and accomplished . . . For readers interested in complicated, thoughtful and beautifully written family stories that explore the cost of the model-minority myth, this book is as good as it gets.”—BookPage

“Passionate . . . [Gupta’s] startling candor and willingness to confront painful truths make this sing. Readers who’ve broken free from toxic family dynamics—or are hoping to do so—will want to check it out.”—Publishers Weekly (starred review)

They Called Us Exceptional is a heartfelt memoir of love and dysfunction, an indictment of the premium America places on exterior markers of success, and a careful exploration of the legacies of institutionalized racism, family illness, and constrictive ideals of gender.”—Booklist

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